The great big update. Part 1.

So many things have happened since the last post that I have to break it down into three separate parts. Part one is titled 'Chemo and your kids: what happens when they overhear you call chemo poison and then think their mother is going to die.' It's more of a working title. 

So Isabella, the six year old, over heard me talk about chemo in a very disparaging way. She caught just a few things, one of which accurately describing chemo as a poison that just kills you enough but not all the way to get rid of the cancer. Well that didn't 'sit well' with Bella and we saw a change within very core. We didn't really realize what was happening with her, we just knew she started acting out.

Now I noticed an uprising of tantrums and fits. She basically froke out over any little thing that wasn't going right. I mean, any time something wasn't going 100% right. So that narrows it down to 98% of the time things are shitty so 98% of the time Bella is crying or yelling. The other 2% usually invoked what you do in the bathroom. We  thought she realized that Vickie was sick and she was regressing to another time life was stressful, back in a black mold infested home. It was bad enough that Vickie and I were trying to get our heads together we didn't need our daughter joining in. She didn't deserve any of that.  It got so bad that we were talking about getting her professional help. I really didn't want to do that to a six year old who just wanted to have fun and be happy. I didn't want her to need such serious meetings so young. Instead I just sat her down and asked her what was wrong. She started to tell me about the toy she wanted and couldn't find so I had to dig deeper.

    "Are you worried about anything?" I asked her. She just nodded her head slightly. "What are you so worried about?"

    "I'm worried that the poison is going to kill Mom." She said in a quiet tone. 

Man, that ripped my heart in two. For two reasons. One, she understood and knows how sick Vickie is and two, it was my fault that she thought that way because she overheard something that I had said. Vickie took over and explained that it wasn't poison but magic stuff that is going to help get mom better. The magic stuff is really good for her, but leaves her really tired and we have to be extra clean so it doesn't make mom sicker. 

This worked for awhile. Bella became herself once more and all was right again, but soon after she would act out and throw fits and argue and yell. Luckily, all we had to do was sit her down, ask her what she was worried about and remind her that the magic stuff is her to help and to trust that it will. Now she doesn't worry anymore. Now she just has fits normally (you know when something really goes wrong like the rest ofus not  wanting  to watch 'the littlest pet shop' or some other show where nothing is spoken but rather screamed towards one to another. 

It is easy to not realize what we say can effect those around us when you are trying to come to grips with the crap life deals you. So be careful. 

Up next, part two. The first chemo session.